Weirdest wish ever. I knew, i always wanted ‘this’ from the very beginning of everything, only i couldn’t realised it untill recently. Insyaallah, i’ll make it come true and prove it’s not that weird afterall.
Off the radar.
I tried to stop.
But there’s monster.
Tried to be comfortable.
Comfortable with who i’m.
But it just doesn’t feels right.
Something is missing.
But then, it’s always easy to be said than to be done.
It is weird. I don’t feel like i feel before.
Urghh I hate so much to think that I have to put my life on others. Why can’t I do it myself, my way? Why can’t I have that capabilities? Why do I need to depends on the others? This is not even the worst part.
Since this is my alter ego account, I has a secret to tell you. I actually LOVE playing with my make up and dressing up for nothing. Har har har I couldn’t do much of it now. I’m afraid my family and my room-mates would think I’m a freak and weird girl. huhh I hate it so much when I have to hide the girlish part of me. I have to act like don’t care about my appreance because everyone else around me didn’t do so. I hate when i buy high heels i couldn’t wear it because I don’t want people to tease me since I’m the only one here love it and they teased me for wearing high heels because I’m shorter. I hate when i buy blusher and I can’t use it because I don’t see as over do it. I hate when I can be myself. So so so much. I miss doing make up, dolly around for one day. huhh